It’s funny. People always promise me something and when it gets hard they suddenly forget what they promised. I’m usually the second or third choice for someone. Never have been the first choice. My life is full with fake people. Liars. You can’t imagine how much I hate everyone. Everything makes me so frustrated that I’m sometimes thinking about ending my life. Not sometimes. Every single day I wish I wouldn’t wake up again. I’m tired. You can’t imagine how tired I am. Exhausted from life and all the pain. All the unnecessary pain. But sometimes I think without the pain I wouldn’t know if I’m still alive. Let me be honest with you. I don’t even know what I’m writing right now. I have to much stuff in my head and I can’t get them out. I just can’t talk about it because I know no one is listening. Why would someone try to help me and listen to me when even the only person I trusted left me behind with all the pain he caused ? Not even feeling bad about it. Not even asking what I’m doing. Nothing. You know I really hate myself. I swear I hate myself so much that I wish I could just take a gun and end my life. Or cut my wrists or take pills. Just need something to end all this. Why I am always there for everyone. Why I am always helping everyone when no one is helping me. When no one cares about how I feel. 3 weeks ago I lost one of my family members and I can promise you that I’ve never felt so much pain before. It’s like someone ripped my heart out off my chest. Did someone ask if I’m okay? Did someone ask if I need something? Did someone care ? No. not even him. As I said before I’m always there for everyone. They use me to feel better and when they’re done they fuck off and don’t even look back. Just like him. This is something I’ll never forgive. I’ll remember this for the rest of my life. The only 5 months I have…
I’m having pain and I don’t know when it will stop. It’s like… no, it’s impossible to describe the pain. You have to feel it to understand it.
“I should go now” Saad got up and gave me a kiss on my forehead “Do you have something to do on Friday?.
“No, you want to go on a date with me?” I asked.
“Yeah, a date,” he smiled. We didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I hate those moments when you don’t know what to say and I never want to be the one who starts the conversation again, but after a while he said “Okay. I should go now”.
“Yeah, you said that 3 minutes ago, but you’re still here. Pick me up at 7 pm on Friday and now go” I pushed him to the front door and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Yes, a kiss. But I really don’t know why I kissed him. Saad just touched his cheek and smiled. He kissed me back and drove away.
Later that night I sat in the living room and watched Tv. Then I remembered something. Immediately I got up and went to my bedroom. I looked under my bed and took out a black box. All the diaries I wrote were in the box. I started to write diaries when Saad left me. That time I had no one to talk. I was feeling alone and hopeless. It was a really hard time for me, because I was depressed and I didn’t know what to do. I took a red diary and sat on my bed. I wanted to open it and read, but I was afraid. Afraid because I knew if I start to read it won’t stop until I read them all. And I knew I would feel depressed after I read it. I mean 10 years ago I started to write those diaries and how would I feel if I read what I wrote as a 16 year old teenage girl? But I wanted to read it and opened the first page. I had a really ugly handwriting for a girl and it was hard for me to read what I wrote. Some pages were blurred because I often cried while I wrote. And some pages were with blood drops. I opened a page and started to read: I don’t know why I feel like this again. What I mean is I feel like everyone on this planet hates me. I feel like I’m bothering everyone. I feel like I do not deserve any happiness. Let me be honest, I’m tired of my life. I’m tired of myself. I’m tired of my family and friends. I’m tired of every single person. I have suicide thoughts. I have them every single day. I want to cut my arms again. I really want it, but I don’t want people to see how weak I became. I used to be strong and fearless. But now? I wish I could go back to the days when I meet Saad. I swear you I never loved anyone like I love him. He used to be my best friend, the only person I trusted and now he’s gone. I do not know what to do. I’m tired of crying and cutting my arms. I’m tired of everything. I’m having pain. My chest is on fire. I want to cry. But I can’t. I just can’t cry. I do not know if I will sleep tonight because of the pain, but I know that this pain won’t go away. No matter what I do, it will always be with me. Saad left me, but the pain won’t.
The next morning I woke up early because of my kids. I love them. Yeah, I know every mom loves their children, but I think a mom should say this all the time. I’ve suffered a lot and my children gave me hope and strength. I married a man I never loved to save myself. Yes, I know it sounds horrible and heartless, but I had to do it. I had to do it to forget Saad and not for the money he had. My husband was a very successful business man. I was 21 and couldn’t afford to go to college. I met him at a restaurant where I worked as a waitress. Almost every day he came to eat and one day he gave me 100$ tip. I remember that I smiled to him and he said “Yes, smile. You look beautiful when you smile” My cheeks turned red and with a shy voice I said “Thank you Sir. I really need that money” I couldn’t even look him in the eye while
I said this. It was awkward for me. I didn’t want him to think that I was broke even though I was. “Do you go to college?” he asked me. I didn’t say anything for a minute, but then I said “No, I don’t go to college”.
“Hmm, a pretty girl like you should go to college. I mean you look really smart”.
My face turned red. It was always awkward for me when someone made a compliment to me. “I need money to study. That’s why I’m working”.
He looked at me with a smile “Oh. I already solved that problem for you”. And he did. The reason why he came to eat dinner at the restaurant where I used to work was that he fell in love with me. He talked to my boss and he told him about my situation. Since that day a lot of things have changed in my life. In a good and also in a bad way. But that’s life.
For my date with Saad I decided to wear a simple black dress with black high heels. I don’t really like to get styled for a date or anything.
Saad knocked on my door exactly at 7pm. I opened the door and he was standing there in a Black suit. I never have seen him in a suit before, but it was sexy.
“You look beautiful Kekem”.
“Thank you… you look really good” my cheeks turned red.
Sad smiled “Ahhh, I love it when your cheeks turn red. You look so cute“
We went to his car and he opened the door for me. On our way to the restaurant we didn’t talk. It was always a weird feeling being with Saad. My heart was beating hard like it always did when I was with him. Everything about him made my heart beat faster. While he was driving I was looking at him. I was looking at what I almost had. I was looking at the love of my life. I was looking at my best friend, my soul mate. But what happened to us? Why did it happen? Why did we drift apart? I blamed Saad all the time, but maybe it was also my fault. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough to get him back.
“We’re almost there, Kekem” said Saad without looking at me.
“Can you turn back?” I asked.
He stopped the car and looked me in the eyes and said “Okay”. He knew what was going on in my mind and didn’t ask anything.
He drove into the driveway and I got out of the car. Saad followed me to the front door and said “I’m sorry, Kekem”.
“No, Saad you didn’t do anything. I just had too much things in my mind. And you know when this happens, I have to be alone. I’m sorry” I gave him a kiss on his cheeks and was about to go in but he held my hand. Out of sudden he kissed me and said “Well, we’re not teenagers anymore. So why always kissing on the cheeks. I really missed kissing your lips”. I smiled “You’re still the same idiot”.
I repeated what he said “I didn’t have another choice” I nodded “Yeah true Saad. You didn’t have another choice. Why would you stay with me, the girl you love when you can be with someone you don’t love. Yeah, that’s logical.” my hands were shaking. I couldn’t look at him, because I knew I would start to cry again. I always cried. There wasn’t a day where I didn’t cry, the night he left me until now. Love is horrible. No, seriously, it is! It only gives you pain. I’ve suffered so much because of it and I still do.
“Kekem, listen to me…” he wanted to continue talking but I interrupted him “Listen to what? All you can say is listen! Listen to me, I’m so sorry”
“Kekem I know, but today I came to talk. I want to tell you what happened and why I’ve left you”
When he said this I just closed my eyes and inhaled.
“I know you suffered a lot because of me”
“You don’t say” I gave him a doleful look.
“No Kekem. Don’t interrupt me! Listen!” he raised his voice and I knew if I say something stupid he would get mad. More than just mad! Whenever we had an argument he took everything so serious and forgot that I’m too sensitive. He always raised his voice and gave me a look which said “I’ll kill you if you don’t shut up”. I often cried, but I never hated him for it.
But the good thing about it was that when he finished screaming, he always hugged me for more than an hour. We often sat somewhere and he just hugged me until I fall asleep in his arms. He knew he broke my heart and he also knew I would forgive him if he hugs me. And it always worked.
“You know I still love you and you know I will always love you..“he paused for a moment and looked at me “Kekem, I’ve left you that night for another girl and I know you hate me for this. I know you will never forgive me, but I didn’t have another choice”.
I took a deep breath and said “Oh really ? You didn’t have another choice? Are you kidding me Saad? You have left me even though we were engaged! How can you do this to the person you love? How can you do this Saad? How?” I got a twinge in my chest.
He stood up and came to hug me, but I rejected it. I started to cry and said “Why didn’t you just stop caring about what other people think about our relationship! Your parents didn’t want me and that was a reason for you to leave me. I’m sorry, but I don’t have any understanding for this ! If you love a person and if you want to be with this person, you shouldn’t listen to others. Not even to your parents. Love is love. You can’t choose who you will fall in love with” I wasn’t crying anymore.
Saad looked at me with pain and agreed “No matter what I say you’re right, but I did the mistake and listened to them. I got engaged with a girl I didn’t love and left you. Even if you forgive me I won’t forgive myself for that what I have done to us”.
Neither one of us said a word for 3 minutes. I just went to my bedroom and lied down on my bed. Saad followed me and lied next to me. We didn’t talk and we didn’t look at each other. After a while I fell asleep and had a weird dream: I was standing in front of a big golden mirror in a white room with big windows. My right arm was bleeding and I was holding a knife in my left hand. It was weird, because I could feel the pain when I woke up. I woke up and didn’t see Saad laying next to me. So I got up and went to the living room where I heard sounds. It was Saad with my both kids, Dalal and Noha.
He was playing on the ground with them and it was weird for me to see them like this, because Saad could be the father of my children if all those didn’t happen.
It was actually cute. He always loved little kids and I always told him he would be a great father.
When I entered the room, Saad looked up and said “Hey, finally you woke up” he smiled “Dalal looks exactly like you. It’s like she’s the copy of you. Even the way how she speaks and acts is like yours” he laughed and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Guess what, she’s my daughter” I said and rolled my eyes.
Saad laughed and said „She does the same with her eyes”.
I remember when I sat with Saad in the library, because he helped me with math. Believe me, I still hate math more than anything else in this world.
“You have to divide 56,75 with 1,65” he said and pointed with the pencil at the equation. “Hmm okay,… and the result is 34,39, right?”
He smiled and said “Yeah, you see it isn’t that hard. You just have to think”. I rolled my eyes and said “Yeah, I just have to think, but you can even solve it without thinking. I hate you for this”. Saad was a nerd at high school. He always got straight A’s but in PE he always got a C. It’s not that he wasn’t athletic or something, he was just too lazy.
“Don’t be jealous Kekem” he said and grinned. I rolled my eyes and packed my books into my bag. “Kekem, please stop doing this with your eyes. It fuckin sexy”.
I was shocked for a moment, because he never used words like this. Finally, I said “Ehhh… Okay?!”.
His face turned red, because he realized he said something which he shouldn’t have said “Let’s go eat something. I’m hungry”.
I wore my clothes and went outside to his car. I was mad but happy at the same time. It was a weird combination and it made me more feeling like having to throw up. My stomach was playing with me again. It’s such a weird feeling when you love and hate someone at the same time. Just imagine the pain you would have when someone you didn’t have seen for 10 years suddenly comes back like nothing ever happened. It’s selfish.
When Saad saw me, he came out of his black BMW and hugged me. Of course I liked it but I had to act like I didn’t. So I pushed him away. “Okay sorry. I won’t touch you again” he had his famous grin on his face. “Yeah yesterday you said the same thing and now you’re here again. I’ll ask you just one time ! Why are you here ?” I tried to sound like I was mad but honestly I wasn’t. I don’t know why. And I’m still figuring out why.
“Do you have something to eat. I’m hungry” that was typical for him. When ever something got serious he tried to distract me. And of course like always it worked.
I rolled my eyes and said “Yeah I have”.
We went to my apartment and I made him an omelet. He was eating and I just watched him. When I was looking at him I still saw the 18 years old shy guy I’ve met at High School. It was year 2004 when I started with High School. I was just 16 and a freshman, he was 18 and a senior. And I remember it like yesterday when I first talked to him. I was late for my math class because I couldn’t find it. I was running and saw Saad in the hallway. A tall guy with black hair and brown eyes. Even though he was just 18 he looked older because of his beard. I wanted to ask him where I can find Mr Smith’s class but I was afraid that he was like the other seniors. When ever I asked them something they gave me a sarcastic answer. But I was late and didn’t have another choice, so I went to him and asked “Eh.. hey do you know where I can find Mr. Smith?”. He looked at me and didn’t say anything. I rolled my eyes and said “Oh great just because you’re a senior doesn’t mean you don’t have to answer when someone asks you something” I got mad and went away.
Later when I was at the library to study Saad came and sat in front of me. I looked at him and asked “Do you need something?”. He didn’t reply. And again I asked him “Do you need something? Or do you just want to sit here and stare at me?”.
He looked at me and said quietly
“Ehmm… No… Ehh I just wanted to apologize because I didn’t help you. I’m… I’m sorry” he smiled. And when I saw his smile I forgot my anger. When ever Saad smiled I also smiled. I think that was always the only thing which made me smile.
“Well I’ll forgive you, but only if you replay the next time when I ask you something. Okay ?”. He looked at me and said “Okay. But please don’t think that I didn’t tell you where Mr Smith is just because you’re a freshman. It’s just… Usually girls don’t talk to me. Honestly I got exited when you came to me. That’s why I couldn’t reply” his cheeks got red and I knew it was awkward for him. “Well, there is nothing to be exited about when I talk to you” I smiled “I’m a little devil… You should be afraid of me and not exited” I laughed and he looked at me. He smiled and said “Oh okay. By the way my name is Saad“
“Nice to meet you Saad. I’m Kekem and I have to go now. See you next time” I smiled and packed my bag.
He smiled back and got up “See you next time little devil”…
“The omelet is great. I didn’t know you can cook” he was smiling.
I raised my left eyebrow and replied “Well, if you marry and if you have kinds you have to cook.
He swallowed and said quietly “Yeah true you were married”.
I grinned and asked “Jealous ?”.
“No there is no reason for me to be jealous. I’m happy for you” I knew he was lying. He always got jealous when I talked to other guys or when I just looked at them. I don’t mean the kind of jealousy where he wanted to punch everyone. He never wanted to admit that he’s jealous.
“You know my husband… you know he committed suicide” it was still hard for me to say.
“I know Kekem. And I know how hard it was for you”.
“Yeah. Could you please tell me why you’re here ?
He put away the fork and said “I’m here because I want to talk to you. I know you hate me and that’s ok but please let me explain why I’ve left you. Let me hug you. Let me kiss you” he looked down.
After a while I said “Okay, let’s talk Saad. Let’s talk and see what you have done to me 10 years ago” I raised my voice “Let me tell you what happened in the past 10 years, Saad. You don’t know what you have done to me. I’ve suffered so much and all this because of you”.
He looked at me and all he could say was “I’m sorry”.
“You’re sorry ? For what Saad ? You’ve left me even though I needed you ! I was always there for you when something happened and I always tried my best to be a good friend to you. And no I’m not saying that you haven’t done anything for me…” my voice got louder and I could feel that I was about to cry “You did more than enough. But you promised me something. You said you will always be here for me when I need you. No matter what. And now , after 10 years you come back. Why now ? Did you have pity with me because my husband committed suicide ? Did you come back because you know I’m alone with my two kids ? Tell me Saad ! Why now ?”
He couldn’t look at me. It took him exactly 53 seconds to answer. He whispered “I don’t know“ and that was the moment when I started to cry. I couldn’t stop and Saad hugged me. He hugged me very hard and I tried to push him away with all my strength but he was stronger than me.
He whipped my tears and kissed my cheeks. “Wow. The last time I kissed your cheeks was 10 years ago. I thought I’ll never see you and hug you again. That was my biggest fear. But now I hold you in my arms. I can touch you. I can feel your heartbeat. You don’t know how much I missed you. I swear you I prayed every night for you. You were always on my mind. I know I did the biggest mistake in my life. I know I’ve left you even though I said I’ll always be here for you. But I had to. I didn’t have another choice”…
He was standing there and I still couldn’t believe it. How was this even possible ? We didn’t see each other for 10 years and now he was standing at my doormat. 10 years of pain and sadness. And I still have pain when I think about it.
He was still handsome and he still had this smile on his face when ever he saw me. He didn’t change and his brown eyes were shining and I could see that he was afraid.
„Kekem it’s me Saad“ even his voice didn’t change. It was so good to hear his voice again. It was like music to me. I wanted to cry but I didn’t. I didn’t want him to see how weak I became. Like always I wanted to show him that I’m strong, stronger than him. He was looking at me and I knew he wanted me to say something. But what ? All I said was “I know” I tried to sound cool like always I did when I was about to cry.
We stood there for a while without saying anything. Then my little soon woke up and started to cry. I went to his bedroom and picked him up, gave him a kiss and turned around. Suddenly Saad was standing in the middle of the room and said “I always knew you would have a son” he came closer to me and tried to take him but I gave him a slap. “Don’t dare to touch him again”
His right cheek got red and he was confused “Yes you’re still strong like a lion”. I tried not to smile and asked him “What do you want from me ? It has been 10 years and suddenly you ring my doorbell. Why now ?”. Honestly I was afraid to hear the answer. I mean it has been 10 years that I saw him and talked to him. All I wanted to do was hugging him. I wanted to feel his strong arms around me.
„I don’t know. I really don’t know why I’m here right now. Kekem I never stopped to think about you. I swear you never…“ he was looking me straight in the eye and I knew he wasn’t lying. He never lied to me, except once. And I’ll never forgive him for this. I put my little son back in his bed and walked into the living room. I sat down on the couch and he next to me. I had tears and started to cry. Saad wanted to hug me but I said „Don’t touch me !!“ but I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to hug me like he used too. I wanted him to kiss me.
„Ok sorry I won’t touch you again. But let me explain why I’m here. Let me talk to you.“ I couldn’t believe it. „Wait !! I just asked you why you’re here and you said I don’t know but now you say let me explain ? You still can’t get enough of making me mad“ I was mad raised my voice „You should go!“.
„Still the old Kekem. Still the stubborn girl. I knew you would never change“ he smiled a little but tried to hide it. „Oh believe me I’ve changed a lot. I’m not that stupid girl anymore which will believe every thing you say. Now go“. Saad got up and looked at me. He wanted to stay and tell me what happened that night but I knew I couldn’t handle the truth. „Okay I’ll go now but I’ll come back. We need to talk and I’ll explain you why I’ve left you alone that night. I promise you I’ll“ he got up and went to the door. I went to the window and watched how he drove away with his car. I sat down and started to cry. I couldn’t stop for the next 15 min. He was back and he still loved me. But why did he come back ? I know I didn’t let him to talk but believe me you would do the same. In the past 10 years I suffered a lot and 5 months ago my husband committed suicide because of tax evasion. He was a very successful business man and he helped me a lot when I was at the college. With his support I finished college and became a successful architect and a mother. I never really loved him. I know this sounds like I just used him in a bad way but I didn’t. I was just 21 years old when we met and he was 32. He was there for me when no one else was. I told him about Saad and he listened to me. I cried in his arms and I knew he wouldn’t question anything. We never had a fight or something like that. He always gave me more than I deserved. He was a perfect husband which every women wants but I never was happy. He gave me a house, money, my own office and two wonderful children. I have a 3 years old daughter named Dalal and a 9 months old little son named Noah. I love them more than anything else in this world. It’s painful to know that they have to grow up without a father but I know I can raise them up with my love. Sometimes I miss Aiden but then I ask myself why. He left me and my children alone. But I don’t have the right to get mad at him because he did a lot for me, more than anyone else. At night when I went to bed I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about a lot. To be honest I was thinking about Saad and all the wonderful moments I had with him when we were at high school and about why he came back after 10 years. I wanted to know it but I didn’t want to call him. I didn’t want him to know that I still love him. When I woke up in the morning the security man from our apartment called me and told me that there was a guy in a black BMW next to my parking lot. It was Saad…
So that was my new story and I really hope you like it 🙂 if you have any questions or suggestions just comment below.
Video games and Football. I’m pretty sure the first thing what comes to your mind is „GUYS STUFF“. Yeah many people say it’s just for guys and when a girl plays video games she’s a tomboy. Seriously ?!?! Just because a girl plays video games she’s like a guy ?! Aha. So that means when a guy wears pink he must be gay ? You see it’s stupid. There is so no sign or anything on the box wich say „ONLY FOR BOYS“. And honestly if there were a sign on the boxes I would still buy it. Do you really thing I care about what others think ? NOOOO I don’t.
Once I went to a game shop to buy me the new GTA V. Oh it’s such a „VIOLENT“ game. All the guns, blood and drugs. If you start playing it you will turn into a „GANGSTER“. Ohh all this prejudices are driving me crazy.
When I went to the cashier he gave me a weird look and asked „Do you want me to put it in a gift bag ?“ I raised my right eyebrow and asked „Why the fuck would you put it in a gift bag when its for me ? It’s not that I’m buying myself a gift“ Yeah I was mad and no I don’t always talk like this people who are older than me but he forced me !!! Ja he did!!! Just because I’m buying a video game which is for „GUYS“ doesn’t mean it’s not for me.
I can play what ever I want and just because some people say it’s stupid I won’t stop as long as I have fun.
But do you know there is something what always makes me laugh. „VIDEO GAMES MAKES YOU A KILLER“. Aha interesting. So that means if you play a simulation game in which you can be a doctor and do surgeries you will be a doctor ? Awesome. From now on I’ll just play it to become a doctor. Oh god ! Stupid !
But I hope you know that there are many studies which has proven that video games can improve your hand-eye coordination. For example gamers who play more video games tend to be more attune to their surroundings while driving down a residential street, where they may be more likely to see a child who’s running after a ball than a non-video gamer. The studies also have shown that gamers have increased visual awareness and can track objects visually 30% better than a non gamer. They also say that games can be used to rehabilitate the visually impaired and help train soldiers preparing for war. So that means that games are certainly good training for people in situations where they need to detect things in their visual environment at any time in any location, like ground troops going through uncharted territory. Isn’t that awesome ?
That’s only two of the benefits of improved hand-eye coordination associated with gaming. And no I’m not saying „ YEAHHH EVERYONE HAS TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES. THAT’S THE BEST SHIT EVER“. Of course there are some bad sides of playing too much video games. For example I know a lot of guys who spend more than 12 hours playing video games. I would never do this ! I mean if you spend more than 12 hours for video games, how will you do your homework ? How will you study ? How will you spend time with friends and family ? They completely isolate themselves. When I play video games, it’s just for an hour and not 12 hours !!!
The same thing happens to me when I watch football.“Are you a guy ? Or why are you watching football ?“ every damn time. Come on guys !! Who said football is only for boys ? There are a lot of female football players and they’re very successful. And football is a sport which link people from all over the world together. All races and all religions are together. They play together, they win together and they lose together.
And the atmosphere in a football stadium is unbelievable. The fans scream and celebrate the goals and the victories together. It’s amazing. When your favorite player scores a goal against the rival team you have to scream and celebrate. Especially when it’s a derby. Last week Real Madrid played against FC Barcelona. Both of them are the strongest team in the Spanish football league. It was the final match in the Copa del Rey and Real Madrid won with 2 goals. When Madrid scores the first goal I couldn’t stop dancing. Yeah it sounds stupid but when I watch football I get to much adrenaline in my blood. I scream and swear when a player doesn’t score or doesn’t play well. Football is a very exciting game because you never know who will win and who will lose. It’s a sport with many surprises. When Gareth Bale scored the final goal I almost cried. It was amazing and I could’t believe that we have won the Copa del Rey when Iker Casillas hold the Copa in the air. The players hugged each other and danced on the football yard. And even the players from the rival team congratulated the Madrid players. It’s all about respect. If you don’t respect the rival team you’re wrong here. There is no place for racism. You can say that football is a big family and it’s not only for boys. And there are a lot of football players who started playing football on the streets as a kid and now they earn millions of Dollars in a month. I love football since I’m a little girl and I’ll always support my team Real Madrid. I don’t care if people say it’s only for guys. And you should do the same. As long as you have fun with doing what you like you should’t listen to others.
Wow ! I never thought that so many people from different countries will really read my stories. I’m speechless and really proud of myself (no I’m not arrogant !! ). When I first started to do my blog I said to myself “Come on ! No one will read it” but now I just laugh about it :D. Usually when I start doing something I get bored and I never do it again , but this time it was different. Now it has been almost 5 months and I’m still trying my best to do less mistakes ( you know I’m not a native english speaker). I hope you guys will always support me and force me to continue the stories 😀 I know it has been a while since I uploaded the next chapter of “Jane’s Life” but tomorrow I will upload it. Thank you so much readying my stories even though they’re not good hahaha 😀
If you have any suggestions or questions just comment below