It’s funny. People always promise me something and when it gets hard they suddenly forget what they promised. I’m usually the second or third choice for someone. Never have been the first choice. My life is full with fake people. Liars. You can’t imagine how much I hate everyone. Everything makes me so frustrated that I’m sometimes thinking about ending my life. Not sometimes. Every single day I wish I wouldn’t wake up again. I’m tired. You can’t imagine how tired I am. Exhausted from life and all the pain. All the unnecessary pain. But sometimes I think without the pain I wouldn’t know if I’m still alive. Let me be honest with you. I don’t even know what I’m writing right now. I have to much stuff in my head and I can’t get them out. I just can’t talk about it because I know no one is listening. Why would someone try to help me and listen to me when even the only person I trusted left me behind with all the pain he caused ? Not even feeling bad about it. Not even asking what I’m doing. Nothing. You know I really hate myself. I swear I hate myself so much that I wish I could just take a gun and end my life. Or cut my wrists or take pills. Just need something to end all this. Why I am always there for everyone. Why I am always helping everyone when no one is helping me. When no one cares about how I feel. 3 weeks ago I lost one of my family members and I can promise you that I’ve never felt so much pain before. It’s like someone ripped my heart out off my chest. Did someone ask if I’m okay? Did someone ask if I need something? Did someone care ? No. not even him. As I said before I’m always there for everyone. They use me to feel better and when they’re done they fuck off and don’t even look back. Just like him. This is something I’ll never forgive. I’ll remember this for the rest of my life. The only 5 months I have… 



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